Single and Searching

Rumor has it that there are so many single good men and women that one would think that somehow in this crazy cosmic universe that they would connect, right? Hmmmm, let's look at this shall we? What constitutes a good man or a good woman in your opinion? I would also ask that if you are such a good man or a phenomenal woman then why are you still single? We hear all of the time that men are intimidated by successful women. I have to believe that ALL men cannot be intimidated by successful women.

I also hear from men that women will not allow the man to lead. Why can't we as women allow the men to be men in the dating process? I'll throw an additional thought out there. Just because you are a good man or a good woman does not mean that you are a good match. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how the single good men can connect with single good women and vice versa. Send me an email using the submission form toward the bottom of the blog site with Single and Searching in the subject with specific questions for me otherwise, simple comment below. Let the communication begin!

About the Author:Yolanda "Yanni" Brown is a Certified Relationship Educator/Love Coach and the CEO of Kiss and Make Up with Intimate Evenings. For over a decade the Chi-city born and raised Piscean (this explains her penchant for all things love related) has specialized in helping couples fall in love over and over again. Her forums, seminars and workshops all share a common theme: the cultivation of healthy relationships. You can find out more about Yanni by visiting Intimate Evenings or via email at yanni@intimateevenings.com.

© 2009 Yolanda "Yanni" Brown

Toxic Relationships – From Victim to Victor

Greetings Readers!

So I'm watching the third season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (having to watch the show for a whole semester of English 102 has me hooked again. Anyway…) and there's this episode called "The Beauty and the Beasts" which, for all intents and purposes deals with abusive relationships.

This got me thinking about the warning signs of these types of relationships (physical/mental/emotional abuse, Isolations from friends/family, double standards and substance abuse to name a few) and why we choose to ignore them.

I think we sometimes cling to toxic people because of the initial attention we receive. This is especially so when a first love is involved. From that point something in our minds formulates the equation that somebody is better than nobody. Regardless of how much pain this person puts you through you STILL go back to them.

How do you break free of this person? How can you let go of someone you love so much that, whether you know it or not, is feeding off of your torment? Here are a few suggestions:

• First, embrace a victor's attitude by admitting you're in an unhealthy relationship and will no longer intentionally be a victim.
  
• Get a support team together of your closest friends, counselors, ANYONE that can help you stay devoted to letting go of the toxic person.
  
• Accept that you deserve to be happy. It's a right all beings have and no one should hinder yours.
  

No one has the right to hold your love/friendship hostage. You deserve to be with someone that will cherish and respect. Be patient…that Love WILL find you if you feel you deserve it.

Finding Happiness During Difficult Times

The only way on earth to multiply happiness is to divide it. - Paul Scherer

Greetings Readers!

Let's face it, times are hard right now. VERY hard. Unemployment is at an all time high. People are losing their homes and jobs faster than the media can keep up with. It seems no one is exempt from the turmoil going on in society today.

For me, the issue is being under employed. I'm currently attending college to gain new skills but the reality is that even with these new skills it will be a challenge to find better employment.

I have my days (today in fact) when I feel like giving up. My wife has had similar bouts with this all consuming depression – we all have – but it's times like these when we must remain faithful and prayerful (in a manner in which we are ALREADY receiving) to make it through these rough waters.

But how do you do it? How do you keep your focus on the light at the end of the tunnel when it seems the closer you get the smaller that beacon becomes? It's no simple task…Neither is it impossible.

Regardless of what's going on around us there is a feeling deep inside that reminds us that things will get better if only we weather the storm just a little bit longer. You can call this knowing
by whatever name you like but acknowledge it. Seek it out. Listen to it. It WILL guide you through.

As suggested in the quote above it's imperative that we show one another kindness now more than ever before. Help a stranger on the street. Volunteer in your community. Be nice to that relative that everyone loves to hate.

I challenge everyone to share a little happiness with at least three people that they may not have considered doing so with before. Spread the light of love and watch as it blossoms in both the giver and the recipient.

By doing this we honor our primary purpose to be of service to one another and maybe gain a little more energy to make it through another day.

Have a PERFECT day!

Michael

My II Sense

The Importance of Letting Go

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

We've all done it. Stayed in a negative relationship long after we knew it was poisonous to us. Persist with a job we know is unfulfilling. Continue to call someone friend who is clearly the opposite. Why? Why do we continue to accept unnecessary pain into our lives?

Surely we are worthy of more than the heartache we carry with us each day and yet we persist in holding on to it with every fiber of our being as though we would be less without it.

My martial arts instructor said something to me many years ago that shook me out of my need to hold on to painful people and situations: "How long would you continue to place your hand into a fire before deciding you no longer wanted to feel the pain?"

I've personally, held on to a relationship that was just like the fire my teacher spoke of, continually accepting the pain as though it were suppose to be part of me. It wasn't until I heard those words that I realized I didn't have to continue to burn myself in a relationship clearly headed nowhere fast.

Examine your lives, your friendships, your partnerships. Which ones are fulfilling, providing you with love and encouragement. Which ones are depleting, taking away from you the very essence and will to do better in life. Keep those that are nurturing to your continued growth and peacefully, let go of those that are not.

Keep in mind also, that you shouldn't rush your way out of these situations before your time. Regardless of how painful a situation my be each offers a valuable opportunity for growth that shouldn't be overlooked.

In some cases, as it was with me, you won't have to do a thing. The Universe has a way of removing those forces from our lives automatically but only when we've made the conscious decision that we are worthy of more the lack we've accustomed ourselves to.

Here's a passage someone sent to me a while back that applies; I hope it provides you with the push you need to begin attracting healthy relationships into your life.

As I Let Go

I easily let go of the things I don't need.

I easily let go of my old, immature concepts of what life is.

I easily let go of all unhealthy addictions. I let go of any desire to control or to manipulate people.

As I let go, I make room for all the good things which Life has prepared for me.

Michael

My II Sense

How Rude!

Greetings Readers!

I recently started a job working in a call center again and one thing that hasn't (and probably won't anytime soon) changed is the manner in which people treat you over the phone. Some call in, ask for what they want and end the call genuine appreciative of the help you've provided. Others rush you to find an answer to their problem. Others still call in with no other purpose than to test your patience and resolve to provide a pleasant customer experience.

What does this have to do with relationships? Plenty! It's all about interaction people. Some people build up to being rude to you due to the stresses placed upon them throughout the course of the day. For example: You've argued with a spouse, the principal asked you to come in because little Johnny or Susie is acting up in school, you're boss (who just got ragged by HIS boss) snaps at you about your poor work performance even though it's unwarranted…all of this builds up inside and if you don't release it someone's in for a BAD experience with you.

On the other hand some people were just born to be difficult, hateful, mean and altogether unkind. For those people there's not much you can do but extend to them the one thing they are not providing to you – Lovingkindness. Because you never really know why someone is being difficult with you, especially over the phone, you must find a way to interact with them in a positive way that will make you feel better about not "going off" on the person and hopefully make the other person realize that the way they are behaving isn't the most pleasant.

Here are a few things I do to maintain my composure when dealing with difficult and rude people:

1. Remember that their negativity is just that – THEIRS! By doing so you allow yourself to stay detached from their negative energy and still have the ability to effectively interact with them if necessary.
   
2. Rude people are still people. As I mentioned above, you can't ever truly know why people behave the way they do. It could be because of how they were brought up, a specific traumatic experience in their lives that has left them angry, etc. We must realize that these people are doing the best with the emotional resources they have available and attempt to make their day a bit brighter.
   
3. Never stoop to their level. By doing so you only add fuel to the fire and make the entire situation more problematic in the process.
   
4. Meditate! Meditation is a great way to cope with stress and will keep you from becoming one of the rude people you don't want to deal with!
   

What ways do you deal with rude people? Share them with us!

Michael

My II Sense