"Let's wait awhile before it's too late
Let's wait awhile, our love will be great
Let's wait awhile before we go too far"
Chorus to Let's Wait Awhile by Janet Jackson
A few days ago, I'm sitting on my bed catching up on some reading, my youngest daughter Khadijah knocks on the door. She comes in and says she has a question for me; the brief but powerful exchange went like this:
"Daddy, can I ask you a personal question?" "Sure", I say.
"When did you lose your virginity?" My astonished response was, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
With the excitement and wonder that only a child could muster she exclaims, "Yes I will!" Tell me!"
"Twenty", I say calmly to which she replied "Uh Uhn! – MOM!"
She runs out of the room to grab my wife to use against me as a human polygraph machine. She asks the question again; I give the same answer. My wife confirms the answer because 1. We've discussed such matters and 2. I can't seem to lie to her with a straight face. LOL
Khadijah then asks, "How come you waited so long?" "Why didn't I wait longer is the real question", I replied.
There are two things troubling about this scenario:
- My child thought I would be dishonest with her about the loss of my virginity.
- Today's generation is more concerned about losing their virginity quickly than waiting for marriage – or at least for a committed relationship.
After this little exchange I called everyone into the living room for a family discussion. We talked about their feelings on sex and when they thought it was okay to "give it away" and why they felt that way. Then we, the parents, talked about why it's important to wait. Then we discussed the pitfalls that you could face if you don't wait and of course, proper protection.
Have we had this discussion before? Yes. What was different about this time? We shared our experiences as parents with our kids. We let them know that if we could get a "do over" we would gladly accept it. We told them there is nothing glamorous about having sex too soon. We told them we wished we'd have waited longer before having sex. However, the most important difference was that they actually LISTENED this time.
This week's Meditate on this goes out to all the young adults and teens of the world and is actually the finally line in Janet's song: "I promise, I'll be worth the wait". Be worth the wait people.
Have a PERFECT day!
Michael
My II Sense
This type of open and honest discussion is an excellent way to build trust and impart wisdom. I'm not a parent, but I have a 19-year-old niece who's my pride and joy. There have been times when we've talked...well, more like I did the talking and she had that deer caught in the headlights look...lol. I think she really grasped it for later because she's acknowledged that I was right about a few things...music to my ears. Keep up the great work, Mike!
ReplyDeleteYou bring up another interesting point. The child need not be our own in order for us to share wisdom. We need to be preaching this to any and every kid that will listen. Not only abstinence but SAFE SEX period! Thanks Mel! :0)
ReplyDeleteI agree, having an open communication with your kids about sex is really difficult but really helpful. And it's true, they really listen because they know you discuss based on experience. They have great topics like this one on http://www.energytalkradio.com and donate 30% to charity just by listening. Check them out!
ReplyDelete@Energy Talk Radio Thanks for visiting and for commenting. I checked out the site and sent an email to you as well. Looking forward to hearing from soon.
ReplyDeleteMike, communication is key when talking with your children about sex. They are curious and they are looking for answers! As parents we should be there to give them the correct guidance and information. More importantly explain to them why waiting is critical. The emotional aspect that goes along with sex is a lot to handle as an adult let alone a youngster.
ReplyDelete"Give it away" wow! It's important for them to REALLY understand what their IT is early. This is where that expression of "If I knew then What I Know Now" comes in. Your IT is your TEMPLE and our younger generation, even the older generation really needs to understand what keeping their temple sacred means.
Great blog and communication is really important here.
Yanni
@ Yanni Thanks for the reminder. You are right we all must remember this important piece of information that we have the personal responsibility to maintain our temple.
ReplyDeleteI'm encouraged by this exchange between you and the entire family Mike. My five year old has begun asking certain questions and I answer them openly and honestly. In my head I hear.."OMG, was that too much too soon?!"... but I have resolved that it's best I get my 2 cents in before them kids get to her telling her the wrong stuff. So, I applaud you for your efforts. I will definitely keep your points in mind for our next discussion.
LaKisha
Thanks LaKisha. With the TV, radio and now the internet as "acting parents" it's a must for us to be as involved as possible in the lives of our kids to give them real info. I'm glad you liked the post.
ReplyDelete